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"He bit someone, it happens."
Mike Tyson commenting on Liverpool striker Luis Suarez, who bit Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic in a recent match.
"I'm fascist, not a racist."
Sunderland AFC manager Paolo Di Canio’s reported statement to an an Italian newspaper meant to clarify his political beliefs. The statement may have been uttered as far back as 2005 but has been unearthed by the British press after the soccer club recently named Di Canio its manager.
"These games are sure to make a huge splash."
Lehigh Valley IronPigs (Triple-A affiliate of the Philadelphia Phillies) General Manager Kurt Landes expressing unbridled enthusiasm for the innovative “Urinal Gaming System” to be installed in Coca-Cola Park this spring.
"Usually, they're hollering at me from inside the car, 'Eddie, bring me my hat and the guns! Let's go!'"
Eddie Gossage, president of the Texas Motor Speedway which hosts the NRA 500 (part of the NASCAR Sprint Cup), describing a driver’s typical eagerness to don a cowboy hat and shoot blanks out of a six-shooter Yosemite Sam-style, the traditional celebration for the winning driver.
"Like I didn't just see two guys plop a sausage on a bar stool."
Milwaukee-area bartender Jen Mohney’s response after being told by two anonymous men, “You did not see anything.” The two men had just dropped off a stolen Italian sausage costume (named “Guido”), one of the four sausages that race at Milwaukee Brewers home games.
"I may not be 100% right but think about it. How else could 30 foot leather birds fly?"
An excerpt from José Canseco’s controversial theory of gravity.
"I'll always be a Red Sock."
Kevin Youkilis, who happens to play for the New York Yankees, proclaiming his loyalty for his old team.
"Both the NFL and gospel music, then, might be said to have long relied on flamboyantly fraught caricatures of gender and sexuality..."
Douglas Harrison, from his excellent article “Faith and Football: What the Gospel Church Can Learn from the NFL“
"Have Fun at the Pro Bowl. Arrogant Fuckers."
Baltimore Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs congratulates the New England Patriots on their second-place finish in the AFC.
"Some people might think I am going to go there for vacation -- I do actually go there for vacation -- but it won't be for vacation this time.''
Thierry Henry joins the NY Red Bulls.
"I feel a broken man, completely disconsolate, frustrated and an unimaginable sadness."
Crisitano Ronaldo expresses his grief after losing to Spain.
"We know South Americans are impulsive and temperamental and cannot lose."
German fullback Phillip Lahm stokes the fires ahead of the clash with Argentina.
"I know I was offside, I know it was selfish but as long as they say it was a goal it's OK for me and the team."
Argentine striker Carlos Tevez admits his first goal against Mexico should have been called back.
"Yesterday evening they drank beer before the game. And I saw the team play with the spirit that we lost in the games we played before this game."
England coach Fabio Capello suggests that beer revived the English spirit.
"To have the worst football team at the World Cup was already unbearable. To also have the most stupid is intolerable… The mutiny at Knysna will forever remain the Waterloo of French football."
French daily Le Parisien lambasted the French team after their Nicolas Anelka reportedly called his coach a “dirty son of a whore” and the rest of the players refused to practice. They have supposedly returned to the field at last.
"We all know how the French are, and Platini is French, and he believes he is better than rest."
Diego Maradona lashed out at UEFA president and French soccer legend Michel Platini, who reportedly denigrated Maradona’s coaching ability. The Argentine also threw some barbs at Pele for old time’s sake.
"He is really a goalkeeper but he's really fast, so we switched him to a striker… But this World Cup, he said he wanted to be a goalkeeper again."
Kim Jong-hun, media officer for North Korea’s team explains the team’s attempt to add an extra striker in an allotted goalkeeper slot.
"The surprise is me. I am the only surprise in this whole team."
Maradona on… Maradona. Surprise.
"It was cool... A big elephant, just eating on the path out of our hotel."
Carlos Bocanegra and the US team were stuck in a traffic jam when an elephant decided to stop on the road for a snack.
"I was telling Javier Mascherano yesterday that I had sweaty palms."
Diego Maradona as usual shares a little too much about nerves ahead of the World Cup.
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